{China #4} What We Expected

Last night went well, thankfully.  Emerson slept all night until 5:15.  She’s definitely warmed up the most with Chase, for which we are thankful for…but stiffens her body if Jeff or I pick her up.

While at breakfast this morning, Emerson sat on my lap while I fed her some porridge.  She took several bites and then her lower lip started trembling again, then the tears came and she cried for most of breakfast.  I know that she was use to her foster mom feeding her with a spoon and I wonder if she suddenly realized that I was not her. ☹  Her crying is soft and mournful…it breaks our hearts!  Towards the end of breakfast, Chase pulled out a bouncy ball and started bouncing it softly.  This seemed to delight her and soon she stopped crying and was somewhat entertained with Chase, even laughing and giggling a little.

{Emerson smiling & playing with a bouncy ball}

{Emerson & Chase in the Hotel Lobby}

Back in our room, she looked through picture books with Chase and was saying some of the animals in Chinese (at least the ones we know in Chinese…horse and dog).  

We met with our tour guide this morning and went to the civil affairs office to do most of our paperwork for this week.  When we came back, Emerson fell asleep in my arms for a little while.  I loved it!  She did fairly good from there, playing, entertaining herself with beaded necklaces, her snack cup, Cheerios….until…….She got ahold of the photo album that her orphanage director/ foster mom put together for us.  I should have taken the photo album away, but I didn’t.  Soon she saw a picture of her, with her foster mom holding her….the flood gates opened.  Oh how I regret not taking it away before she saw the pictures!  Jeff and I could not console her.  She would have brief moments of being distracted by Chase, but then one look at me or Jeff and the flood gates would open again.  Oh, how hard it is to grieve for her, but not be able to comfort her.  I’ve found myself praying again and again for Jesus to comfort her in ways I can not comfort and to help me be patient.

Patience….Jeff and I always try to teach our children delayed gratification.  But right now I want instant gratification.  I want Emerson to love me, to smile at me, to feel comfortable with me….and the list goes on.  Reality is that I need to be patient and faithful.  Faithful to love, even when it’s not returned.  Bonding takes time and I KNOW THAT…so why is it so hard to be patient?  It’s only our first full day, for pete’s sake!   

Emerson did finally calm down as I rocked her (I knew she was tired, too) and she fell asleep in my arms for 30 minutes or so and woke up crying again.  Chase sat on the sofa and she sat beside him and quieted down, laying her head on his lap.

{Emerson loves her new big brother!}

We had a couple more appointments this afternoon.  Emerson did great, considering that she was still very tired.  She allowed me to hold her most of the time and let Jeff hold her too.  Afterwards we went to a Walmart to purchase a different sippy cup(she has drank very little (if anything) since we got her yesterday evening!...pray that she will stay hydrated) and a few other items.  She never said anything throughout our appointments and Walmart( very quiet) and then fell asleep in my arms before we got back to the van.

One hour later, Emerson woke up(at 5:30pm) and cried for the next hour and 15 minutes.  Finally she stood in front of Chase and plopped down on his lap and instantly stopped crying as she leaned back on him.  She doesn’t always respond to Chase, but he definitely calms her the most.  As we put her to bed, she seems like a completely different girl when it’s just her and Chase in the opposite room (we have a suite as “normal” hotel rooms here in China are TINY – about 350 SF).  We’re thankful to have glimpses of what Emerson will be like once she’s bonded with us.

It’s been a rough day, but as Jeff has reminded me…Isn’t this what we expected it to be like? Yes, it is what we expected it to be like, but yet it’s so hard to go through.

Also, thanks so much to everyone for their comments.  We can’t view the blog (we email the posts to Chelby’s cousin who posts them for us), but the comments are emailed to us.  They are the highlight of our day!!

-Jeff, Chelby, Chase & Emerson